How do you sleep?
May 25, 2009
Funny Questions and Answers
May 18, 2009
HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION
Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it… don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the lifeof your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit.Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of th e fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
I love this Doc, Do you?
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain…Good !
Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!!! … Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me!!
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape!
Related Links:
Maths…Best Exam Answer Ever…
May 18, 2009
Top 10 Reasons Why You Are your Sunsign
May 13, 2009
Why it is so cool to be a man???
May 7, 2009
Being a Man
Why it is so cool to be a man???
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair cutters don’t rob you blind.
You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
You don’t have to learn to spell a new last name.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking “He must be mad at me.”
Same work, more pay.
Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
Wedding dress: $2,000. Tuxedo rental: $75.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with “So, notice anything different?”
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don’t have to shave below your neck.
At least a few belches are expected and tolerated.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
A Bitter Reality – ONE BEDROOM APARTMENT
May 4, 2009
ONE BEDROOM APARTMENT……..
WRITTEN BY AN INDIAN SOFTWARE ENGINEER…
A Bitter Reality
As the dream of most parents I had acquired a degree in Software Engineering and joined a company based in USA , the land of braves and opportunity. When I arrived in the USA, it was as if a dream had come true.
Here at last I was in the place where I want to be. I decided I would be staying in this country for about Five years in which time I would have earned enough money to settle down in India.
My father was a government employee and after his retirement, the only asset he could acquire was a decent one bedroom apt.
I wanted to do some thing more than him. I started feeling homesick and lonel y as the time passed. I used to call home and speak to my parents every week using cheap international phone cards. Two years passed, two years of fast food at McDonald’s and pizzas and 2 years watching the foreign exchange rate getting happy whenever the Rupee value went down.
Finally I decided to get married. Told my parents that I have only 10 days of holidays and everything must be done within these 10 days. I got my ticket booked in the cheapest flight. Was jubilant and was actually enjoying hopping for gifts for all my friends back home. If I miss anyone then there will be talks. After reaching home I spent home one week going through all the photographs of girls and as the time was getting shorter I was forced to select one candidate.
In-laws told me, to my surprise, that I would have to get married in 2-3 days, as I will not get anymore holidays. After the marriage, it was time to return to USA , after giving some money to my parents and t el ling the neighbors to look after them, we returned to USA .
My wife enjoyed this country for about two months and then she started fe el ing lon el y. The frequency of calling India increased to twice in a week sometimes 3 times a week. Our savings started diminishing.
After two more years we started to have kids. Two lovely kids, a boy and a girl, were gifted to us by the almighty. Every time I spoke to my parents, they asked me to come to India so that they can see their grand-children.
Every year I decide to go to India. But part work part monetary conditions prevented it. Years went by and visiting India was a distant dream. Then suddenly one day I got a message that my parents were seriously sick. I tried but I couldn’t get any holidays and thus could not go to India … The next message I got was my parents had passed away and as there was no one to do the last rights the society members had done whatever they could. I was depressed. My parents had passed away without seeing their grand children.
After couple more years passed away, much to my children’s dislike and my wife’s joy we returned to India to settle down. I started to look for a suitable property, but to my dismay my savings were short and the property prices had gone up during all these years. I had to return to the USA …
My wife refused to come back with me and my children refused to stay in India … My 2 children and I returned to USA after promising my wife I would be back for good after two years.
Time passed by, my daughter decided to get married to an American and my son was happy living in USA … I decided that had enough and wound-up every thing and returned to India … I had just enough money to buy a decent 02 bedroom APT in a well-developed locality.
Now I am 60 years old and the only time I go out of the APT is for the routine visit to the nearby temple. My faithful wife has also left me and gone to the holy abode.
Sometimes I wondered was it worth all this? My father, even after staying in India, Had a house to his name and I too have the same nothing more.
I lost my parents and children for just ONE EXTRA BEDROOM.
Looking out from the window I see a lot of children dancing. This damned cable TV has spoiled our new generation and these children are losing their values and culture because of it. I get occasional cards from my children asking I am alright. Well at least they remember me.
Now perhaps after I die it will be the neighbors again who will be performing my last rights, God Bless them.
But the question still remains ‘was all this worth it?’
I am still searching for an answer…!!!
START THINKING
IS IT JUST FOR ONE EXTRA BEDROOM???
LIFE IS BEYOND THIS ……DON’T JUST LEAVE YOUR LIFE..
START LIVING IT.
LIVE IT AS YOU WANT IT TO BE.
Related Links:
I am an Indian
April 14, 2009
WHY ARE INDIANS EASY TO IDENTIFY
We are like this only so true, so very true……….
1. Everything you eat is savored in garlic, onion and tomatoes.
2.. You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminum foil.
3. You are always standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the Airport.
4. You arrive one or two hours late to a party – and think it’s normal.
5. You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service missed to stamp.
6. You recycle Wedding Gifts, Birthday Gifts and Anniversary Gifts.
7. You name your children in rhythms (example, Sita & Gita, Ram & Shyam, Kamini & Shamini..)
8. All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere,
close to their real names.
9. You take Indian snacks anywhere it says ‘No Food Allowed.’
10. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone’s house.
11. You load up the family car with as many people as possible.
12. HIGH PRIORITY ***** You use plastic to cover anything new in your house
whether it’s the remote control, VCR, carpet or new couch. *****
13. Your parents tell you not to care what your friends think, but they won’t let you do certain things because of what the other ‘Uncles and Aunties’ will think.
14. You buy and display crockery, which is never used, as it is for special occasions, which never happen.
15. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.
16.. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
17. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as possible.
18. Your kitchen shelf is full of jars, varieties of bowls and plastic utensils (got free with purchase of other stuff)
19. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel
(and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).
20. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.
21. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
22. You live with your parents and you are 40 years old. (And they prefer it that way).
23. You don’t use measuring cups when cooking.
24. You never learnt how to stand in a queue.
25. You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off or receive you whether you are traveling by bus, train or plane.
26. If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in knowing whose daughter has run with whose son and feel proud to spread it at the velocity of more than the speed of light.
27. You only make long distance calls after 11p.m.
28. If you don’t live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you’ve eaten, even if it’s midnight.
29. You call an older person you never met before Uncle or Aunty.
30. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover you’re talking to a distant cousin.
31. Your parents don’t realize phone connections to foreign
countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making foreign calls.
32. You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them
from getting dirty.
33. Its embarrassing if you’re wedding has less than 600 people.
34. All your Tupperware is stained with food color.
35. You have drinking glasses made of steel.
36. You have mastered the art of bargaining in shopping.
37. You have really enjoyed reading this mail – forward it
to as many Indians as possible.
I STILL LOVE TO BE AN INDIAN
Related Links
Powerful Equations
April 7, 2009
3 powerful equations,
2 extremely powerful postulates
1 powerful email, containing it all !
Equation 1
Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore,
Human = Donkey + work + enjoy
Therefore,
Human – enjoy = Donkey + work
In other words,
Human that don’t know enjoy = Donkey that work
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===
Equation 2
Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore,
Men = Donkeys + earn money
Therefore,
Men – earn money = Donkeys
In other words,
Men that don’t earn money = Donkeys
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ====
Equation 3
Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore,
Women = Donkeys + spend
Therefore,
Women – spend = Donkeys
In other words,
Women that don’t spend = Donkeys
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= =====
To Conclude:
From Equation 2 and Equation 3
Men that don’t earn money = Women that don’t spend.
So, Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys! (Postulate 1)
And, Women spend not to let men become Donkeys! (Postulate 2)
So, we have?
Men + Women = Donkeys + earn money + Donkeys + spend money
Therefore from Postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude,
Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together
Related Links:
EVEN GOD HAS SENSE OF HUMOUR !!!
March 2, 2009
**EVEN GOD HAS SENSE OF HUMOUR**
God was in the process of creating the universe.
And he was explaining to his subordinates
“Look everything should be in balance.
For example, after every 10 deer there should be a lion.
Look here my fellow angels; here is the country of the UNITED STATES.
I have blessed them with prosperity and money.
But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension…
And here is AFRICA.
I have given them beautiful nature.
But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes.
And here is SOUTH AMERICA.
I have given them lots of forests.
But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would
have to cut off the forests…
So you see fellows, everything should be in balance.
One of the angels asked….
“God, what is this extremely beautiful country here?”
God said…… “Ahah…that is the crown piece of all.
I N D I A
My most precious creation.
It has understanding and friendly People.
Sparkling streams and serene mountains.
A culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live.
Technologically brilliant and with a heart of gold……
The angel was quite surprised:
“But god you said everything should be in balance.”
God replied…
“Look at the neighbors I gave them”
